The 3 Gateways to New Beginnings and 6 Reasons We Resist Change
“No river can return to its source, yet all rivers have a beginning.” Native American Proverb
New Beginnings Can Be Big or Small
New beginnings could mean a major life change, starting a passion project, or embarking a health journey. It’s the thing that causes us trepidation and fear. We worry – Should we? Can we? How will we? It’s a place where our deepest insecurities lie. Insecurities and doubts about our worthiness and our ability emerge. We worry about our continued lovability if we make a change that may in turn transform us and make us whole.
But change is constant. Change is inevitable. Check out my blog: 8 Signs You need a Transformation to reaffirm that change is an inevitable part of life. The question becomes, are we going to leave change in the hands of chance? Or are we going to approach it with intention about what WE want versus allowing the winds of change to drive where you end up?
When Change Comes A-Knockin’ – 3 Ways It Shows Up
- The first and obvious way is when it’s forced upon us, through no design of our own. Perhaps it’s an unexpected job loss, a loss of someone close to you, an unexpected (or even slightly expected) divorce, an empty nest, or a half a dozen other ways change shows up. You have no choice but to answer the call and rise up to meet the challenges presented. You make the necessary adjustment in your life in order to survive. Oftentimes, you realize that the change presented a growth opportunity. You learned something new about yourself and gained more confidence, knowing you can not only survive, but THRIVE.
- Secondly, there is a gut feeling that you need a change. I find in my clients that there’s a tipping point in their lives when they realize that, after doing all the things we’re “supposed” to do, there remains an ache and a longing of what it is they WANT to do. And sometimes it’s transcends wanting. It becomes a dire need. They feel almost commanded to accomplish that dream or reach that goal that has been put on the back burner of their life for so long. They know what that “thing” is but have a long list of why they can’t or won’t be able to achieve it.
- Last but not least, the need for change is recognized however they have no idea what they want to do. They know they WANT to do something. The same ache exists but with it is frustration, maybe even depression, because it’s a longing without an outlet.
6 Reasons We Resist New Beginnings
1. We feel we have to choose correctly.
We often feel like we have to make the right choice especially if we’re torn between 2 paths. As the quote says: “the only wrong choice is not making one”, Jake Abel. But in fact, there is no right choice and there is no wrong choice. Assigning virtue to one path over another is a recipe for inertia and will further delay action. You may feel more drawn towards one decision over another. Likely, it’s the most difficult path. You must know that each choice, each decision, and every step you take is the exact right action you need to take at that moment. It will lead you to the next thing, and the next thing and so on. So don’t worry if it’s the right choice, worry if you’re unable to choose (or take action) at all.
“There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth…not going all the way, and not starting”. Buddha
2. We’re afraid of the “NEW”
Why are we afraid of starting something new? One of my New year’s wishes to a friend was that we have a scary year. Because having a scary year, in the context I meant it, is with the intention that we are doing new things and taking chances. Embrace the fear, step into it. Because when you do, the results will be exponentially more satisfying than if you take the easy road.
3. We feel we won’t be accepted or supported along our journey.
The choices and decisions we make will likely impact the people in our lives. Oftentimes we make up scenarios in our heads about the reaction’s others will have when we are making a choice and making a change. Typically, these negative scenarios are our fear manifesting to stop us from taking action. Have a conversation with those closest to you and most effected your choices. Strategize, negotiate, and support one another in both of your life’s journey. Don’t put a stake in the ground along the pathway of life and never progress forward.
4. We TRULY are NOT supported in our choices.
I hate to drag out the tried-and-true statement of “their reaction has more to do with them than it does you” and your choices. If someone is not supporting you, it is THEIR fear projected onto you. What are they afraid of? Are they afraid of losing you? Are they afraid you will reject or outgrow them as you embark on your own growth journey? Have a conversation about what the source of their fears are. If you’re unable to support those around you on their journey and they are unable to support you, perhaps there is co-dependency that is preventing you both from reaching your full potential. Learn more about the dynamics of co-dependency here: Codependency | Psychology Today
5. Fear of failure.
Especially if we’re starting this journey a little later in life, we feel that maybe there’s not enough time to test and fail. We want to get it right. Be inspired by this list of folks who found their success later: 14 Inspiring People Who Found Crazy Success Later in Life | Inc.com Additionally, we worry about what it will say about us if we fail. What will people think? You know what people will think….? They will think, “damn, wasn’t she brave to try. I wish I was that courageous. Look at all she’s learned and watch her pivot. Look at where she’s going now. She is an inspiration.” You will likely inspire someone else’s bravery. Don’t rob the world of seeing you go for your dreams.
6. Fear of success.
Maybe even more frightening of failure, is the fear of success. How will your comfortably uncomfortable lives change if we succeed in achieving what we want. How will this affect those around us or our life’s circumstances. Often women will play it safe and play it small not to upset the environment around them. Marianne Williamson wrote, in part, in her book A Return to Love: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure”. I’m not sure all of the reasons we are so afraid of our power, but I DO know that it’s time for all of us to stop playing small.
There’s still so much ground to cover and more to say on this topic
When I began this blog post, I didn’t realize I had so much to say about NEW BEGINNINGS. I am wildly PASSIONATE about inspiring people to take action in their lives, to push past the fear and live to their fullest potential. This, if nothing else, is my life’s work (well right now at least, until the next new beginning for me). I want you to realize that not only is it ok to start something new, it is NECESSARY for your life’s progression. No matter how big or how small…..
So, make sure to stay tuned for next week’s post where I provide 9 STRATEGIES TO BUST THROUGH THE FEAR of New Beginnings.
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